Sunday, May 16, 2010

My Life's First Mate

There are several things I have had to forego in my life, because they will just never be the same without Jeremiah. However, there are many things that my heart needs be strong and drudge through for the sake of our daughter. She needs to know who he was, and who we were together. One of the best, yet hardest, ways I can do that is experiencing life on the water with her. This is where she will "get it". I have this confidence simply because she is our little girl, and it is bred in her to know, respect, and yearn what the ocean has to offer her. So many times, as I wished for a baby, I imagined Jeremiah and I walking hand in hand along the remote seclusion of Highland beach; our little "naked hinied" toddler splashing in the break of the summer's delicate gulf waves. Many of my fantasies join my memories now, because they are all I have of what my future may have held with Jeremiah.
I'm sorry if all this emotion makes you want to rip your heart out and throw it on the floor. I can hear all of you saying "Alright already woman"!! Believe me I do it on a daily basis (yes I yell at myself and rip my heart out). I understand you can only take so much, but this is where I'm at these days. Our wedding anniversary quickly approaches this month; I just can't help it. Just as time ticks away the rawness of Jeremiah's death, I hope it too will lighten these entries as we travel through Miah Jane's life experiences. I figure, to know the harshness of my reality is to know the beauty of what Miah Jane does for me. Hence her nickname "little bandaid". People all over the world survive things like this and worse everyday. I can attest in my small way that there are ways to continue life's journey with positive "addictions" (so to speak). Speaking of addictions, there will be many blog entries of Miah Jane with a life jacket on enjoying the many benefits of the place we are so blessed to live in. I hope you all don't get tired of it, because I sure won't. You may not physically see me wearing a life jacket in any of these pictures, but let me tell you I've been given one and I hold on to her with all I've got!
I'm ready Mama!!

Earlier in the week we took a short cruise and had dinner at the Dock Restaurant.

This was the first time we had been to the Dock since Daddy's close friend Jon took over management. MJ was very interested to see what Depo had done with the menu.

Her smile is still very gummy.
I can't wait to see what fun teeth will add to this happy little mouth!

We spent Saturday on the "Triple Net" chill'in and grill'in.

Auntie T and Me!

Just another day in my life Mama, but you still harass me with a camera.

I yi yi.

Sea legs already broken in.

Yes, Auntie Tanya is very fascinating.

My heart pounds happily to the beat of her bouncing in and out of the water.
Loooooves the water. Naturally right?

Looooves the sand too. A little too much.
All she wanted to do is shovel it in her mouth!

She brought one of my daydreams alive that day.
Deliberate pats of hands and knees in the sand.
Screeching with glee as she slapped the water five over and over.
Innocent curiosity driving her to keep moving along the shore.
How lucky as parents that we get to relive the simple joys of childhood; to see the world through their eyes. They show us the way. Their curious, but innocent instinct acts as their compass. We as parents hold the steering wheel steady. Sometimes we need to turn it in the direction that we think is best. As they get older yes it gets more complex, but the foundation is there. I'm figuring that as long as she and I never lose sight of the joy splashing in the water brings, feeling the breeze on our cheeks when we swing, looking forward to saying good morning and good night to the sun, being soothed to sleep by the sound of the rain........the list goes on, we are going to be all right, because I know that somewhere, rooted deep in our very long list of simple joys, is the spirit of Jeremiah.
We will always know where to go when we need him.

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