To do or not to do.....

On our way home from one of many surfing trips to the east coast Jeremiah and I sped past an VW bus on the side of A1A.  We pulled a u-ey as soon as we came upon a break in the median.  It was gorgeous.  Aquamarine and FOR SALE!!  If we weren't planning a wedding and paying mortgages on two houses at the time that sucker would have been ours.  We hopped back in the truck to head home and made a mental note to our "together to do list".  It was this trip Jeremiah told be about the three or four beetles he once owned and how it had always been a dream of his to own a split window bus.  Have you ever loved someone so much that you wanted to make their every dream come true?  I did and still do.  I wanted the world for Jeremiah.  He worked so hard to have gotten as far as he did and I wanted so much more for him.  Most of all I wanted a family for him or should I say with him.  Our family.  Watching Jeremiah interact with his nieces and nephew early on in our relationship sold me on his ability to be an amazing dad.

With that said I'm sure these pictures will be understood.........

Because I'm still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I'm still in love with you
On this harvest moon.....

Jeremiah may not be seen in these, but he's there.  These moments in time stopped for split seconds on film so as to not be to far away from him.  His dreams and mine still alive as will our "together to do list" remain to be.  Creating a beautiful child with our love..........CHECK!

To my Jack Jack and Roddy.....

Thank you both for such a great visit and fun afternoon with your Baby Blue.  I love you so very much and can't wait for you to share the joy of parenthood in June.  You think you understand love now you just wait......

All pictures in this post taken by a gem........Monet Layton........monetlayton.zenfolio.com

Overdue randomness....

Well we've started 2011 with no rhyme or reason.....and that's the way uh huh uh huh we like it uh huh uh huh.  Nothing planned too far ahead, no daunting to do lists, and most importantly no resolutions.  I can't change the one thing I wish I could resolve.  AND I've accepted that.  I have become content as this new year settles in.   Time does what it does best.....it doesn't stop.  Nor does life.  Miah Jane proves that to me everyday.  So with that I'll stop rambling and give you some random pictures of my growing girl.........

She rocks a pony tail now.....

Notice she's also rocking a little Buddha!

She has developed some weird obsession for dog leashes.......if she sees one anywhere be it next door at my sister's place or at my mom and dad's she HAS to have it.  This particular night below I had to wait until she fell asleep to rip them out of her grip. 

Such a weirdo.....anyway moving on......

She's still crazy for slides......anywhere we go if there happens to be one it's an absolute must to slide down it 42 times.  If I'm lucky.

Aaaand she's still working on her childhood memories with her buddies Devin and Lexi Schaps......

Keep on rocking in the free world!!

Oh and she still loooooves Mickey Mouse!  She doing the Hot Dog dance while watching Mickey Mouse Club........Hot dog hot dog hot diggity dog!! (sorry about the video quality I took this with my phone)

There's quite a bit more where all that randomness came from.....visits from far away friends, visits to far away family, and some fun with a VW bus.  I hope to gather and post soon!

Christmas Day Hooray! (warning this is a long one)

The Planet Earth series narrated by Sigourney Weaver features a segment on the Emperor Penguins in Antarctica.  The extreme habitat in which these animals survive is undeniably the harshest cold on the planet.  The daily adversity they face is a fierce testament of  survival.  Once a female lays an egg, the male incubates it while she forages up to 300 miles from the colony for food to feed their chicks.  Males forage this obscene amount of distance as well after the chick is born, and what is so interesting to me is these mates always find their way back.  Back to each other and their chicks.  That is if they avoid predators, one among many other fatal elements.  I'm not trying out for the Discovery Channel I promise.  This Planet Earth series was one of the few things Jeremiah and I agreed to enjoy together on TV.  Lucky for him I'm not much of a TV person, so he usually dominated the tube with these three main connections to the outside world....HUNTING, FISHING, AND ESPN.  OK, OK to the point.  These memories and connections are what get me through my days.  This is one of many things I associate and think about when I sit and wonder why this happened to me and my Miah Jane.  In my wacky widow mind Jeremiah and I are like the penguins.  I know, I know I'm a weirdo, but losing your husband at thirty-two years old while pregnant with your first child will do that to you.  Some of you can attest that I was a little weird in the first place, but again accepting my oddities helps me.  He and I are penguins.  We are apart, struggling against adversity, but we will find our way back.  In a world where there is so much speculation about what is beyond the here and now, maybe the lives of these penguins is one of many clues God has given us to help connect and believe. 

I thank Him everyday for my little chick.......

(The quilt seen in this picture below was Jeremiah's handmade by his mother Donna.  An absolute treasure and favorite "Jeremiah" belonging of mine.  The first night I went to his house to watch a movie when we were dating he covered me with this.  It has given me so much comfort "before and after" I love you Mom in Mexico.)

We did Christmas morning a little different than normal.  Miah still takes a morning nap, so while she napped Gma and Gpa came over for breakfast.  Gma, Gpa, Auntie Tanya, Uncle Jordi, and my Baba all chipped in with me on a kitchen set, produce market, grocery cart, and a few fun accessories for Miah Jane to wake up to that morning.

(Thank you, thank you Emily Alessandri for your part in all of this!)

There was a little snag with the refrigerator, but as you will soon see it didn't make one bit of difference.

Somebody is awake!

I don't know, I couldn't tell if she liked the grocery cart could any of you?

Gpa showing MJ there is more to this collaboration than just the grocery cart.

And to really dress the part Gpa bought Miah Jane her very own mini apron!!  I'm so proud of my Dad this year!!  He sought and purchased this all by himself!!  NO HELP FROM GMA!!  In fact he got Gma an apron to match!!  Bravo Dad!!  You are getting the hang of being a grandpa!!

Gpa didn't stop at the apron......he also made sure Miah Jane had her very own chair.  He was specific in that he wanted it to have a seersucker pattern and personalized with the letters "MJ".  I don't know who this guy is anymore.  Miah my dear you have set miracles into motion!!

Poor Uncle Jordi.....the need for putting something together never seems to end.  He accepts his substituted role with so much love.  Grateful, thankful, blessed.....just a few trivial words that come to mind that will never describe what my heart feels for him and my sister.

I knew Miah would be excited once she saw all of these things, but I kept in mind she was only 15 months old and may not quite get the grasp of some of this.  WOW was I wrong!!  I was truly taken aback by how happy she was to receive her gifts.  Lord knows what she does when it really all comes together with Santa and his reindeer!!

MJ has countless friends and family that love her and sent gifts to her.  You would think a child her age wouldn't give much attention to a sweater.  BUT she kept with the spirit of the morning and played peek-a-boo with this gorgeous garment sent with love from the Halunen family in Cape Cod.

My beloved friend Lo sadly knows what it is to be a widow at a young age.  She understands the importance of "LOVE" and has since found it once again.  Love looks good on this kid, especially with this matching silver clutch!!  Thank you LoLo!!

Aunt Anna (Jeremiah's sister) was inspired by MJ's first ponytail this past month and put together an entire outfit around a cute ponytail holder!!

It was a beautiful morning that fed my heart and soul.  Just like those resilient penguins, I've trekked a trail of adversity for my little chick, and I  will continue forward to one day when it is my time become complete again.